So here's what's happening

I'm being sensible. Yup. I'm NOT moving until about August. I realistically still need to get my finances straightened out and out of the red before I move. Also, when I move I don't plan on living with my sister. My roommate that I have now actually wants to move to Seattle as well so we'll probably stay being roommates, when we move, because she's cool and all and compared to past roommates...she's fairly normal. Maybe we'll grab up a couple of other people as well and get a house because that would mean there was more room and maybe just maybe we'd do more social type things together. I'm moving for me now instead of doing what makes everyone else happy. I'm going to Atlanta to visit over 4th of July weekend, also known as Pride weekend there. bwahaha. I get TWO Prides this year. How exciting. No it doesn't help me financially but you know, I'm taking the chance I have to go see Leigh because after that it might be a little bit. It'll all work out. I feel less stressed now that I'm not trying to pay off all my debt in the next 2 weeks. Good god. I am looking for a second job to hopefully do full time. I asked my boss about staying until August since I'd already put in my two weeks notice. He said he would ask the owner. Hopefully...it's a yes because it's a decent pay check coming in and really...if the company doesn't want to fuck themselves even more, they'll keep me on. I'm doing my tech job AND ordering, receiving and shipping. They used to have Cindy doing all that full time. It's hard trying to do two jobs that require full time attention. Kind of stressful with that.

Well, off to the stress factory...work. Gotta be there early, work through lunch and sure as hell better not work after 5. I don't get paid enough to do that.

I feel like bitching

So I'm sitting in my apartment that is um...90 degrees. It's 89 degrees outside. Does anyone see something wrong with this picture? Really isn't it supposed to be cooler inside than outside during the summer? Yes. It got to 104 degrees here in Hell, I mean Las Vegas. Tomorrow it shall be about 107 degrees. Hell. Ugh. Why did I ever move here? The airconditioner was apparently "fixed" today. Don't know what they did since the little light for emergency heat is still going on and it's just the fan going. The actually AC is not running. This the second time they've "fixed" my airconditioner. Seriously?? WTF. I had a problem with my AC when I first moved in back in August. It took them SEVEN tries to fix the leaking pipes. You know if people did their jobs right the first time and used the PVC glue to keep the pipes glued together and from leaking...UGH. I'm going to melt before I move to Atlanta. By next month I'll just be a puddle and I'll be getting mailed to Leigh in a few gallon zip-lock bags. That's...a disturbing image. Anywho. I blame the heat for my ramblings.

Now I'm going to dream of being zip locked into baggies. Damn. My own damn fault too. The AC better be fixed tomorrow. I will be quite irritated otherwise.

The other tattoo

So the tattoo shop that did my tattoo on Friday night was having a party on Saturday and were doing $25 tattoos. Small ones of course. So Laura and I couldn't help ourselves and went right when they opened. We weren't the first one's there but we were magically the first ones tattooed. So I decided I would get the star and moon that Leigh drew for me. I didn't tell her I was getting it done. I just showed it to her when I got home. Wee!! That one is on my chest. Those...hurt. So....two tattoos in one weekend. And two different people drew them and I made both of them cry. *sigh* I seem to have that affect on people.

Oh, it's Mother's Day. I'll be at home all day since my mother is 6 hours away. If I was at home we'd go to church and then go out to lunch somewhere and that would be our day.

Let's...36 days before Atlanta. Woooo! Not soon enough. Bunches to do still. Agh.

new addition to my body

So last night, I came home after had a couple drinks was feeling good (parrot bays...mmmm) and was going to drink a little more at home since you know it was Friday night and I could; well my roommate came out at one point and said she wanted to get her lip pierced and a tattoo and said we should go. So, after a few hours we found the place that one of my friends said was by appointment only (it wasn't when we got there) and got our tattoos. Cleen who did our tattoos was a very personable guy and sang the oldies songs that were on the radio and such. Very cool. Laura got a "D" put on one of my fingers and I got the above design on my left shoulder. Wooo!! I like it bunches. I love how it doesn't hurt nearly as much to get tattooed on shoulders than on back. I now have a tattoo on each shoulder and the one between my shoulder blades. Cindy drew the design a little while back while she was bored at work so she said I could use it. Someone else edited it a little bit and then Cleen did a little more and now it's that. Oh the things that we do in the spur of the moment. And no...I was not tipsy or anything by the time I actually got the tattoo done.

So I guess everyone who told me that our relationship would lead to her trying to kill herself for cheating on her husband, that she'd be depressed, that our friendship would turn into nothing but coworkers, or that it would lead to us not having any contact period...say it..."I told you so." Any of you who had little part any of those events occurring. You won.

I don't know what to feel anymore. Anger? No, not really anymore. I was for a little bit tonight at some point. Relieved? It seems wrong to feel relieved when my closest friend says she's done. No texting, calling, hanging out, myspace, anything. I feel a little bit relieved but...why? It really doesn't seem right to have that emotion at this time though at 2am I suppose anything can be felt. Sad, anxious, nervous, exhausted, numb. Numb definitely wins out right now I think. After everything being done or said tonight I think numb fits just right. I don't think I could cry anymore. I've done plenty of that and not even all of it about her. More about my girlfriend. Just worries and fears I suppose. Numb. I should get some sleep but I'm not ready to. Especially since I know she's outside sleeping in her car outside my apartment. She won't go to his house and she can't come in here since we're not having contact. She's getting her stuff later today. Like her furniture and whatever else. I've found a couple things that I know I'll give back and things that I don't think I should. And one item that I'm sure she wants badly but I won't give it to her. Her x-acto knife that she liked to use to cut herself. I already moved this to a location where she won't find it in case she wants to look for it.

Just numb. Disbelief. Yes. I don't think I ever thought it would ever really reach this point. Ya we had our stupid fights about this and that but always came back to each other. But I don't think there's a coming back this time. She wants to go and not look back. I guess not working with me anymore will help with that. Fuck. I really can't help but sit here and think...is it really done? After all these months where apparently it was one sided. Really? It turned into her really meaning that she gave too much because she gave her whole heart. I had at one point but I closed myself off again. Part of my fears about stuff with my actual relationship.

I think, maybe, it is ok to feel somewhat relieved. Like a weight off my shoulders. *sigh* I just don't know.

I'm just thinking back now on how the night had been going well and then it completely turned because I asked a simple question.

Fuck it. It's done. Enough thinking. Enough bullshit. I need my 4 and a half hours of sleep. ...And she just drove off. Nice timing...I guess.

PRIDE in Vegas!

So the Pride parade was on Friday night. It was alright. The most entertaining part of it was actually the very beginning where some super religious guy with a sign tried to stop the parade and ended up having 4 cops on top of him trying to handcuff him. My roommate tried to get video of it but i don't think she realized she was trying to film through someone's head. Bummer.

I would have totally posted that video. I was right in front watching that whole thing. Funny thing is, my friend Jenn thinks it's the same guy that we saw when we were walking down Fremont street and he had a sign about how sodomy was a sin and those who did it were going to hell. The guy planned on getting arrested because on his sign it said something about "I was arrested for..." blah blah blah. I wish I got a picture of the sign before it got torn to shit by Jenn.


Yesterday was the festival, which was actually pretty fun. I got a few free things. Including water pistols and like...4 decks of playing cards. Oh and a couple of gay bracelets aaaand a WaMu account. I FINALLY have a bank that is actually national instead of just a bank that is in Texas. Yes...so if I get random cash I can actually deposit it into an account instead of hoping I don't spend it or have to go get a money order so that I can mail it to my account in...Texas. Yes.

We ended up going to one of the gay bars and watched a drag show. The show was better the first time I went. Eh. Probably because there wasn't a male stripper that was doing a show in the middle of the drag show. Thanks but....I really didn't want to see a male stripper. Thank god it wasn't a full monty show. Ya...no. I ended up passing out to Deal or No Deal when I got home.

Oh oh...and i picked up giant blue and yellow balloons out of my apartments parking lot. They were there...just looking all lonely at 11pm and so I took them home. Yup...they are not sitting on my day bed.

Anywho...I would post a few pictures from Pride but Cindy has my camera. Oh and she totally had her ass grabbed by some guy Friday night after Hooters. Apparently people think that's ok to just grab strangers and just keep walking like nothing happened. Right. Oh and I think Hooters has shitty food. My burger was overcooked and the onion rings kind of were mushy ish. ew. I doubt I'll eat there again. I'm just a little picky sometime.